Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Time To Focus

I've always been one of those people who's brain kicks into overdrive the minute my head hits the pillow. I can remember being told that lazy people stay up all night and that just never made sense to me. How can someone who never wants to sleep be lazy? I just couldn't turn my brain off and I still can't. Most nights I struggle to make my brain stop running through the millions of ideas I have. Most it's due to a writing idea more than any of my many other passions. I keep a thick journal next to me in bed so I can quickly jot down ideas that come to mind.

For the past week, my mind has been particularly obsessed with a story idea that I initially had about a year ago. A few nights ago, I flipped my journal open to the pages where I had begun to outline the idea for my story and now my brain won't quit. It's actually the first volume in what I intend to make into a series of novellas. I researched Kindle forums to make sure I could even publish a novella through them - since the idea to do these as shorter novels never occurred to me until last week. 

I have been and always will be a writer and photographer at heart. I love writing and taking candid, unplanned photos more than any other thing in this world. Don't get me wrong, I love a lot of things. Sewing is something I do to relax and I find it fulfilling - most of the time. But when it feels forced, I cannot sew a damn thing. I can spend days trying to finish a sewing (or even a crafting) project and if my heart isn't in it, it just won't happen. 

As soon as I could write, I was writing. I would write little plays for my sister and I to perform while my mother and brother were the audience. I would write poems and stories. When I left home at seventeen, I left a drawer full of notebooks overflowing with my writings. I also loved writing letters, just because it was a chance to write. I think the love of writing is always accompanied by a love of reading. I read all the time as a child. My favorite book as teen was Go Ask Alice. Fiction or not, the book fascinated me and I read it more than a few times in my teen years. I think that book ignited in me a deeper passion for writing. It's too bad I spent most of my life being afraid to try.  

I make no apologies for changing course in my life. I spent a lot of my life bound up by fear and anxiety and now that I am forty-five, I am realizing that fear is a demon I must fight. I can try and if I fail, I will probably set it aside and try again later. I'll push forward until there is no push left in me. 

Now, to my original point - I decided yesterday to take a short hiatus from Facebook so that I can regain my focus in life. Just Facebook, because it is the social media "drug" of choice and is where I waste most of my time every day. Also, Twitter, Instagram, G+ and the like are necessities for my YouTube channel. I set my phone to alert me when I've been two weeks Facebook free and if I can get that far, I may try another two weeks. I still post things to Facebook, but I do not go directly to Facebook and I will not check or answer notifications during my hiatus. 

I need write. More importantly, I need to sleep and if I don't write this story that is swelling in my head, I may never sleep again. Also, I started therapy this week, so there's that, too. 

Yep. Time to focus. 

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