Saturday, June 18, 2016

Be Fearless Or Go Home

Yep! Can't put it any clearer. When you put yourself out there in today's world where we have the Internet full of so many ways to be seen and be known, someone is always going to hate you relentlessly. I don't really have a thick skin when it comes to certain things. Insult my looks, I can laugh about it. Misread my intentions and you might just have what it takes to make me lose my confidence. Be warned, though, I do have a resiliency that I did not have in my younger days. What might once have taken me weeks to recover from, now only takes a good night's sleep. I think it's all about the security in who I am and what I'm trying to do. 

I have learned over the years that you can't prove yourself by slowing down to argue your point. You run right past the haters and the trouble makers and show YOURSELF you have what it takes. Instead of giving up when someone puts me down, I breathe deep, exhale and give it another go. If I fail miserably, I may push on to something new, but I will always come back to that thing when I am strong enough to try again. 

I've let certain people in my life convince me I need to do things a particular. I should have known that love cheers you on; it does not tell you that you can't or that you're not good enough. I have through many sleepless nights feeling like there was no hope. I have thought that I am a person not worthy of any success - not even worthy of love or human kindness. The truth is, tomorrow I may be fine and next week I may be a complete wreck. I may say "I'm done" only to start up again later. At least I try. At least I can say that I didn't just believe I couldn't.

Ten years ago, I was terrified to even leave my house. It took years for me to begin to trust the darkness. Sunset meant "get home quick, lock the doors and close the curtains". I think we were all that way. Even up to his death, Julian stilled checked the doors ten times a night when he wasn't away from home working. When he was away, I kept heavy furniture in front of our doors to keep out whatever might try to kick the door in. 

I tell my story because I want to share it. Maybe someone needs someone like me to help them up. They certainly don't need someone to press the heel of their shoe in their back to keep them down. I have never asked for anything but human kindness. I would most definitely do the same for my fellow mankind. We should not be kicking each other when we are down. We should want to see one another succeed. We should be fearless. Unafraid to be kind, caring, concerned, loving and understanding. So what if another human being tells you their sad story. 

Does it make you feel bad to feel something for another person? What's the right reaction? I know I feel something deep within in my soul when I see human tragedy on television. Is it wrong to feel that for someone you might have a more personal connection with? It's sad really that comical insults are the norm in social situations, but compassion is not. If I tell you my story, you can feel something for me without having to do something for me. It hurts to hurt alone. It does not mean I want something more than for you to care about me. Tell me your story and I will cry with you, hold you, love you and be there for you when you need me. How sad that we have grown into such a cold world. 

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