You all know I've been talking a lot lately about my childhood and this is just another installment in that saga.
I'm sure most of you have heard of the"secret rapture" story that most Christians believe. When my brother, adoptive sister and myself were children, we heard stories (on a daily basis) of the secret rapture. The difference in our story and most others was the fact that our adoptive mother seemed to think she had a secured ticket to Heaven that none of the rest of the people in her life had. She was preparing us for her impending disappearance by telling us where to hide, where the food and other survival supplies were stored in the basement, etc.
I remember the talk of Mama being taken up in the secret rapture beginning when I was around eleven or twelve years old. She would tell me how I might wake up one morning and find nothing but her dental fillings and her clothes in a heap on the kitchen floor. I was told that when the time came, I should immediately fall to my knees and proclaim my love to God. She told me that Satan's angels would come and take us away and make us deny God or they would begin chopping off our body parts until we did as they asked.
There was never any talk of the rest of us being "saved" and being a part of the secret rapture along with her royal highness. She was the only one whom God somehow had already shown favor towards and was immune to any earthly sin.
These talks of the secret rapture and being left behind to be tortured led to my having horrific apocalyptic nightmares, which Mama used to prove her insane theories. She also became involved with any religious nut who came her way. I remember several occasions when these "servants of God" predicted the day and exact hour of the rapture. With these rapture predictions came the terrifying preparations, but not once did Mama speak as if any of her loved ones might be called up with her. We were not without sin as Mama seemed to be, therefor there was no chance in Hell that we would be taken up in the rapture.
Looking back on that now, I am disgusted and angered by how unholy this woman actually was. How dare she think that she was somehow God's favorite and better than anyone else around her. She was so deep into and obsessed with the secret rapture that there was always some crazy person at the house speaking in tongues, anointing every doorway and telling Mama to burn our music cassettes and anything else they claimed to be "evil". It was terrifying for a child to be constantly surround my this insanity and being told that we could not be saved from what would come after this secret rapture. Mama had already instilled in us that we were sinful and simply not worthy of Heaven - unlike her oh-so-holy-self.
As a child, I always felt uneasy in Mama and Daddy's house and nearly every other child who has set foot in there has said the same. If there is an evil presence there, she brought it there with her constant incantations, insane so-called religious ceremonies and her own dark heart. Everything she did publicly lead so many to call her "a saint", but what she has done behind closed doors shows just how much of a "sinner" she really is. What an evil soul it takes to think she is more deserving of eternal happiness while her family is deserving only of eternal fire and suffering!
I believe in God, but I have since learned that many of the things I learned about the Bible when I was a child are complete lies. I do remember questioning my adoptive mother on many occasions about things she claimed to be biblical and I was told not to question it, but to believe what she and/or the pastor taught me.
I could write an entire book on this subject and I might do just that in the near future, but for now I'll end this chapter here.