Sunday, April 29, 2012

Dreams Of Julian

April 29th, 2012

Dreamed I was lying in a bed with Julian's dead body next to me. He didn't look like he did when he was dead. He looked like he was sleeping. I was talking to him aloud, but his spirit was answering me.

I asked him, "Why did you leave me ?"

He said. "I didn't leave you, mi amor. I died. I couldn't help it."

I said, "But I love you. Please, come back. I'd do anything to have you back."

I took his hand and caressed and kissed it. I felt his spirit move through his hand. I heard his voice say, "Bury me, mi amor. Move on with your life. I can't come back. I want to, but I can't."

I began to cry and beg him to come back.

My mother and my children came into the room. I lay Julian's hand on his chest. I looked at my mother and asked, "Mama, what do I do with Julian's body ? It's been here awhile and it's not going to hold up forever."

"Bury him." Mama answered.

"I don't want to bury him, Mama. I want to keep him with me." I said.

"Renee, you have to bury him." She said.

I moved my body closer to Julian's and kissed him on the forehead. "I love you." I said.


I guess, the meaning of this dream is obvious, but it doesn't make it any easier.

1 comment:

  1. Many {{{{hugs}}}}. I cannot begin to know ow it feels to have gone through this, but I am amazed at how strong you have been for your children. He would be (he IS) so proud of you!

    Joan Milano