Friday, April 27, 2012

Silence is DEADLY

Think about it. Why do some parents silently watch as their child becomes addicted to drugs or falls into a dangerous lifestyle ? Why are we afraid to confront what our hearts tell us we should ? Why do we wrestle with the idea of our children becoming angry at us if we try to save them from themselves ? WHY ? I'm not saying blame falls on parents for their wayward children's choices. But as parents we are placed as the guardians of our children. We can influence their self-esteem, their career choices, their body image, etc. I think back to the mother who sued a fast food chain because her child was over weight. That mother blatantly ignored her own responsibility as a parent. Some parents choose to ignore what is happening right in front of them and then later want to place blame on teachers, fast food chains and any other member of society, but themselves.

Yeah. Yeah. I know all about the "blame the over-baring mother because he's a serial killer" syndrome. But if I see my kid skinning cats in the back yard, I'm not going to shut the screen door and pretend I didn't see what I just saw. If I saw my kid balancing on a high wire, I would NOT cheer them on. I would panic as a mother. I would scream, "Come down from there before you get hurt !"

I saw a close family member progress from promiscuity to drug addiction. I spoke out. Other loved one spoke out. But because she was "the quiet one", "the one who always did her chores without complaining", our voices went unheard. Everyone around this person knew they had a drug problem, but no one confronted it. Of course, this person is an adult who can make adult choices, but the reason I am drug-free is because I GOT CAUGHT at every sneaky thing I did or tried to do. I made much better choices in life. I wasn't that great of a liar, so I never got away with much. I was always in trouble for mouthing off or skipping class. Each punishment was a map down the road of life for me. I knew which way to turn. I didn't always do the right thing, but I knew when I screwed up and I knew how to change it.

I learned loyalty from my mother. She is a devoted wife and a wonderful mother. I wanted to be like her and so I was. I never cheated on my husband. I took care of my children. I was the squeaky wheel that got the oil. Meanwhile, the flat in front of me became shredded and torn and after years of running like that the wheel is bumped, bruised, nearly damaged beyond repair. It will take much more to get her running smooth again.

And then there is that shining star that was left to fizzle and fade by parents who never should have been parents to begin with. She was made to believe she should be the center of attention, but not in a positive way. She surrounds herself with drama and discourse. No one wants to be around her unless they are just like her. Why build a child's hopes up so very high only to let her fall flat on her face once the monster you created spiraled out of control ? Now, she has no direction, no purpose and she still has not been taught how to rise above her own sad circumstances. She is a babe with babies. A Hollywood star without a script. A pitiful sight to see when she struggles to get everyone to notice her when she walks into a room. How sad, beauty wasted on stupidity.

WE as parents DO hold some culpability for our children's outcomes in life. We have to stand up, stand strong, fight for them even if it means sometimes fighting against them.

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