I've always been told that you should write what you know. It makes sense that things we have firsthand knowledge of would be the easiest to write about. The only draw back to that theory is that some things that we know and can write about become difficult or painful to recall. Writing about my experience with the death of my husband is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Since about early 2013, I've been working on the story of Julian's death and our life together .
I can never get through a writing session without it ending in tears and often find myself having to put the project away for awhile. I have about one-fifth of the book completed, but the emotional toll it takes on me is sometimes very overwhelming. Recalling even happy moments brings me to tears. Julian was here. He was real. He is not some made up character and this isn't a Hollywood movie where everyone's fine at the end. I could make up a happy ending. Maybe, I could make it all a horrible dream, but it's not. For my children and I, Julian's death will be with us the rest of our lives.
Next to me in my bed I keep a thick leather journal that I bought about eight months ago. I use the journal to scribble ideas for stories I want to write someday or notes on the book I'm working on about Julian. I love writing and it is one reason I chose Photojournalism as my major. Photography and writing are the perfect combination for me. I'm excited about school and eager to learn. I believe once I have a couple of semesters behind me, I will gain more confidence to get out there and take more photos and the skills to write more.
For now, I take baby steps with writing. I am determined to write about Julian. His life, his bravery and everything about Julian makes his story worth telling and definitely worth reading.