Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Necessity Of Movement

I've said it many times in my blog and in FaceBook posts, but I'll say it again here anyway. Ever since Julian's death I can't be still. Home is just a place to sleep and store my things, but I feel the need to always be on the move. I'll find any excuse to leave the house - no matter how small. I don't think there have been many days since the funeral that I have actually been home all day without leaving for some thing or another.

Now, I feel the need to go even further than a trip to the store or a drive to the mountains with friends. I am thinking traveling somewhere a little farther away would be nice, take my camera along and photograph things/people that catch my interests. I love my children dearly and I love being with them, but home still doesn't feel quite like home without Julian here. Even since we've moved, his memories still linger around us.

It's certain that I will never be the same because of the death of my husband. I can never love anyone like I loved him. Food will never taste the same now that he's gone. Nothing - absolutely nothing - is the same. So, why should I be still and wait for my turn ? I've always wanted to travel and it was Julian's dream that when we were older we would see different places - never stay in the same place more than a week.

Once my schooling is done, I hope that I am blessed with a career that will allow me to travel. I don't care if it starts off within my home state, I just want to keep moving. I don't want to waste another day at home (the way I did when Julian was alive). I lived in fear of the outside world. Now I live to see the outside world. I want to photograph children playing in the sand, mothers nursing their babies, fathers holding their child's hand as they wait for the school bus, migrant workers in tobacco fields...I want to be a part of life and not linger in the death of my soulmate - taken from me too soon !


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  2. Blah, I screwed up my other comment. Sorry.

    It's good that you want to keep going, Renee, even if it is to escape the sadness. I am sure that after the tragic loss of your husband you view life with a different perspective. How could you not? I wish you peace and happiness in whatever you do.

    1. Yes. I absolutely have a different perspective on life now. I think Julian would want me to live my dreams and do what makes me happy. Thank you so much. :-)

  3. Great Blog Renee You Have amazing Strength
    Much Love and Blessing to You and the Children
    xo Julie Leonard