Always Looking Up

Before Julian died, I never stared so intently towards Heaven. Now I find myself always looking up, as if I'm expecting to see something. I'm not even sure if I know what I want to see when I stare at the clouds, I just know I do it without realizing it most of the time.

Maybe, I am hoping for a sign or a glimpse of Heaven. Who knows why ? I just know I could do it all day long. I could watch each cloud slowly breeze by and barely blink.

When the rays of the sun burst from behind a billowly white cloud, I imagine it's the light of Heaven shining down on us. When the skies are a brilliant blue, I imagine the bluest ocean separating Heaven and earth.

What I can't imagine is nothing. I can't believe there is nothing beyond what hangs above us. I can't imagine Julian isn't up there. I believe there is something beyond this life. I believe Heaven is beautiful, peaceful and without sorrow and pain.

Always looking up...